Today’s blog post is called Angry Octopus Day!
Helloo everyone, sorry it’s been soo long since the last update!
Still not much has changed.. it’s a huge comfort to be at home instead of in the hospital, I have all my family members around me, taking care of me, supporting me, loving me 24/7 ❤️ Have also been able to see some friends which has been hugely healing.
I don’t know the best way to describe my life and experience right now.. it’s just been really difficult.
Nothing in my mind or body ever feels quite right. There is no way for me to stand, sit or lay that doesn’t cause discomfort or pain. I’m hungry, but I can only eat small amounts at a time because it always feels like i’m full. My taste also has been off the past couple days and i’m not sure why.. if it’s from a medication or what but everything tastes just a little bit off. When I eat or or drink it feels like there’s no room for it in my body, everything pushes up against everything else and causes more pain and discomfort.
I am on pain meds but i’m on a constant roller coaster ride of either being really drugged and out of it or in pain, or sometimes i’m both.
We also have been changing pain med types and doses non stop since leaving the hospital. It’s kinda like being a little guinea pig.. never knowing if what we’re changing is going to actually manage the pain this time. I did manage to get 4 straight hours of sleep last night though (that’s a lot), as well as a few patches here and there so I slept better than I have in a few weeks.
Today has been extremely frustrating because I just can’t seem to get control of the pain. It seems to decrease a little bit then just shoots back up again. Even though I think i’ve had more pain meds today than I have the past few days.
l just want to not be in pain 😂
And I want to sleep.
Is that too much to ask for?
Anyways i’m meeting with my oncologist tomorrow morning and starting chemo Wednesday.. so here’s hoping that things are gonna change this week 🤪💪🏼 because I really need for things to change.
Will post some updates after my meeting with the doctor & my first round of chemo but right now Cookie is on the way here to watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets with me 🤩 soo I will talk to y’all later!